How My Four Year Old Learned About Gay Marriage
As a first time j/k mum I never thought that I would be speaking with my son about gay marriage. When my son first started j/k this year I was more nervous about which friends he would make. He knew a couple of the kids in his class from his home day care. I was happy with those friends, they were kind, and good, and their parents were teachers at that same school with me. But of course I was nervous with what kind of new friends he would make.
I was thrilled when he came home and declared who his best friend was. It just so happens he is an excellent kid, kind, funny, sweet and is a son of a close friend of mine….bonus. We might have encouraged their friendship with play dates…but consistently he would come home and tell me that he was his best friend.
When other kids laughed at him for wearing pink mitts (his favourite colour) he said that “G” didn’t laugh. When other kids made fun of his scar that “G” didn’t laugh. I was thrilled with this friendship…good choice Hayden.
Then a few months into school he came home and said that he was going to marry this new best friend of his. (They were playing family I guess and they both decided that is what they wanted to do). After he declared his wedding plans to me, he said that there were people in his class that said he couldn’t because they were both boys.
This got me all riled up. I couldn’t believe that a 4 or 5 year old had been taught, or learned that boys can’t be with boys. Is this really the message that kids are still learning? We were having dinner with my parents at the time and we all told him this was not true. That anyone could marry anyone and it didn’t matter if they were boys or girls. As long as you loved the person, and that person loved you back. That is all that mattered.
This was a pretty intense conversation to be having at the dinner table with a four year old. Many adults would get uncomfortable, and I wasn’t sure how much of it stuck, and if he really understood.
Jump forward a few months and we are at the end of the school year, we were talking about things that happened that day, and he told me, again, that someone told him he couldn’t marry his best friend because they were both boys.
Then he got very serious, and he said he told them they were wrong. That anyone can marry anyone as long as they love each other. “Right mommy?” he said after his story. With pride cursing through my veins, I looked down at my very grown up 4 year old and said “right bud…exactly right.”
Now I don’t think he will marry a boy, he loves girls, and often talks about a certain girl in his class that he wants to marry. And I don’t think he really even understands what “getting married” even means. I think he thinks, when you love someone you marry them. He asks constantly if he can marry his sister, his Granny, and even me. But he knows that if he wants to, that it’s fine, it’s more than fine, and that he has his whole family supporting him.
But at four, I’m proud that he told those kids in his class that he CAN marry a boy if he wants to, that there is nothing wrong with it. Spread the word bud. Love is love, is love, is love, is love, is love. Spread the word.