Living With a Uterus Didelphys
The day I found out I may not be able to have children
This post is about to get personal, like in your face, you will know more about my internal organs than you may want to know. So you are now officially warned. I have a Uterus Didelphys…what is it?…read on.
So I was told that I had a Uterus Didelphys in the winter of 2009. I had returned from living and going to school in Australia, I was working as a teacher, and I had been to see several doctors. I knew that there was something not 100% right. I could never wear tampons effectively – they would always come out untouched with blood but I still would have blood on the pad (which I had to wear).
Sex was very painful (and I will explain why in a moment), and my periods were out of control – from the very beginning of puberty. Any kind of examination was unbearable and I would scream in pain. I even had a doctor tell me that my cervix moved. Really? It moved? And you are a doctor?
Finally I was referred to a specialist and and she discovered what it was, and then she referred me to whom we now call the “super doctor” because in my mind …she is my superhero.
So my condition is incredibly rare, and in fact every time that I tell a doctor that I have it – they look at my like I’m crazy and ask me to spell it for them. So I guess no wonder it took 12 doctors to figure it out.
A Uterus Didelphys can come in many different forms and is a cause from not proper development while in utero. Basically the most severe form (which is what I have) is there is two uteruses, two cervixes and two vaginas. Yes, that’s right I had two vaginas. Which is, of course, why a tampon wouldn’t work, and why sex was so painful.
I had a septum (piece of skin) that went down horizontally in my vagina separating it into two parts. So a tampon (or penis) would have to pick a side to go on, and sometimes a side wouldn’t be chosen – if you know what I mean – hence the pain.
After several appointments with our Super doctor and a surgery later (to remove the septum) it was discussed that I may not be able to have children. Women with this condition often have miscarriages and can not carry to term due to the shape, and size and strength of the uterus and the cervix.
I was devastated. I cried for days, asking why God didn’t want me to have children. What was wrong with me? I had to have the conversation with my boyfriend – that if he wanted children, he may need to find someone else (thank God he stayed because we got married a year later).
I prayed a lot, I wrote a lot, and I cried more than I care to mention, and more than anyone ever knew I did. I kept this very quiet. I was embarrassed. I had asked my family not to tell anyone, and I only told my closest friends. “What was wrong with me?” Was the question I asked myself over and over and over again.
After my husband and I got married, we decided we were going to start trying to have a baby, and see what would happen. I told him that I thought that I could handle three miscarriages and after that I don’t think that I could do it anymore.
After about 3 months of trying we got pregnant – we were thrilled. We told our parents that thanksgiving weekend, but we knew from the blood work that things were not progressing and my hormones weren’t changing as they should. A week later, I started bleeding a lot, and it was confirmed that we had lost it. Although we were only pregnant for a few short weeks, it felt like a part of me was gone, and once again my body failed me. And that God didn’t want me to have children.
I was ready to quit, clearly God was trying to tell me something. We decided that we would try again in a couple of months once my body got back to normal. This time it stuck, we got pregnant, a miracle. We got pregnant and stayed pregnant until 29 weeks when I delivered our first preemie baby. And a year later I was pregnant with our second baby who I delivered at 33 weeks.
So yes I was told I may not be able to have children, yes I was told there was a risk of a premature baby, and yes for a long period of time I thought that God hated me so much, that he didn’t want me to reproduce.
So thankful for my husband, my family and friends who were by my side all the way through, and reassured me that my story wasn’t over yet. So thankful they were right.